Holy Tit! Your Shits are Huge!

Oh, wait....no, that sounds about right.

Rock Bottom

Maybe before you were born, your own DNA sequence beat you over the head with an ugly stick. Maybe you were in a weird high school singing group called The Teddy Bears. But you made the best of shit. Life is good when you're working with Ike and Tina, The Beatles, and The Ramones, making enough money to use Ben Franklins for cum clean up. It's even pretty awesome if you shoot your girlfriend and get a mistrial. Life starts to lose its shine, however, when two years later you're convicted and get 19 years.

But man, it's really rock bottom when you find out California state prison systems have a strict no wig policy (for realz). I always thought you were a crazy, ugly fucker but now I see that you looked far better when you had Chewbacca's merkin on your head.

I feel sad for you, Phil Spector. But don't get too down, maybe someone will teach you how to make grilled cheeses on the cell radiators.