Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Jon Miller's Going Away Bash

4:02 PM (3 minutes ago)
to SatyamKristenJenniferDenaShaenaTeresaPaulaedb1805JohnHelenebethdowRodrigoJessicaCorymeLouisPeteTracyJenniferMaxMikeUzomaRoshniAdityaAnusha

It saddens me to write this email as our well mannered Canadian friend is moving to Denver along with his awesome girlfriend, Vickie. So, I wanted to shoot this email out quickly and ask you all to confirm your availability for the weekend of July 14th/15th. I checked with Jon, and with our busy schedules this the only viable weekend for me to host. So please respond if you can make it or not and what day (Saturday or Sunday). 

More Details to follow once we know which day works the best. 

Also, feel free to forward this email to anyone I missed that knows Jon and would like to attend.
Kate Crowley
4:02 PM (2 minutes ago)
to AmitSatyamKristenJenniferDenaShaenaTeresaPaulaedb1805JohnHelenebethdowRodrigoJessicaCoryLouisPeteTracyJenniferMaxMikeUzomaRoshniAdityaAnusha
Miller's Canadian?
Click here to ReplyReply to all, or Forward

Monday, February 22, 2010

What are the Rules?

I really really want to go to Madame Tussauds and take pictures with wax famous people. What I'm wondering is how far they will let you go. I know you're allowed to touch the statues (I think) because I always see fat girls with their arms around Johnny Depp, like I'm supposed to believe Johnny Depp let this slop touch him. So anyways, like, are the guards going to step in if I'm on my knees pretending to blow Abe Lincoln? Are lewd photos allowed? And where do they draw the line? Who gets to decide? I need to go to Madame Tussauds NOW

I'm back

So after a painful and heroic struggle with cancer, I'm back to blogging. No, I'm just kidding, I didn't have cancer, but I did go to Vermont and graduate college. So I'm feeling into this. Lying about having cancer just reminded me that I just don't get people who are superstitious about this shit. Like, all these people I know think it's bad luck to lie and say your grandma, mom (if your ballsy), uncle, whatever died as an excuse to miss school/work. What, like your grandma is going to actually have a stroke/succumb to cancer/die because you used her as an excuse? Whatever, my Nana would be like, go ahead (This isn't true). I once told a professor I missed so much class because my son was really sick and because I'm a single mom I had to stay home with him. Now I don't have a fucking son but I don't think it's bad karma. What would the consequence of this one be? I get pregnant and actually do become a single mom? My future unborn son is a sickly little pussy who has a peanut allergy? I don't know. But let's say God does smite me and strike me down, any of the above coffins would be totally cool with me. I don't really care which one, I like the fish though, just make sure don't have a boring coffin.

On second thought, I do text A LOT so maybe the cell phone coffin would be fitting but kind of embarrassing. Oh and is that lizard one a baby's coffin? Morbid!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Celebrity Look-Alikes: Equestrian Edition

It's a rare breed of Appollonia: they have mated, albeit awkwardly, with the Crusty Blonde Poodle to produce a species so canine in fur, yet so horse-like in face, that only a nude dress could suffice; any other color would distract the eye from the subtle beauty of this special breed of horse-dog.
Rarely seen in nature, it's miraculous that two of this special breed have made it to fame: Bette Midler and Sarah Jessica Parker.
Trot on, ladies.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

This Baby Knows How to Have a Good Time

"Baby At Mpls. Daycare Sucked On Ball Of Cocaine"

The headline pretty much says it all, but a baby at a Minneapolis day care center found a ball of crack on the floor and was found sucking on it. I would not want to change that diaper.
Anyways, the place is called "Agape Child Development Services-Open 24 Hours" which is just too, too fitting. Of course you have to be open 24 hours a day for all those high babies that are up all night. And imagine the gummers when all you have are gums?


Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Silver Lining to Every Cloud?

Youngest, Blanket, ponders over his newfound freedom from the mask.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Holy Tit! Your Shits are Huge!

Oh, wait....no, that sounds about right.